okay so this has absoluetly nothing to do with my blog. i just find this comic {in general, and this strip specifically} really awesome. i'll change the image one in a while, but for now, i think this speaks quite a bit.








Paul said i should rant more.
So here it is.
Yeah, if you came here looking for a nice little blog YOU LOSE!
because this place is all about ranting and all about evil. i'll try to keep the whole "explain evil" out and the "rant in an evil tone" in.

bwahahahaha


Contact Me


Thursday, January 15
umm....

wow

Posted at 12:06 am by Jovial Bumpkin
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Wednesday, October 29
ToDaY's WeiRD sHiT

right: since all hallow's eve is coming....from today on we list the things that happen to show just how halloweeny it gets round here. i list three aday. and i hope you get a bit weirded out later. ta ta!


walking to school...on the RR trax, i saw this red stuff onthe rail, right? and so i looked closer and saw the pen shards on the side. red ink. i'm so sure. {okay it was.} anyways, it makes you wonder if trains still go there....or if you could be the next red stain..

during school...seventh period. i didnt read the story {christmas memory}{aaah christ my eyes! it burns} and i only missed three questions, two of which i changed the answers...my first instincts were right. i swear to god, i was like amazed. i got BOTH bonuses, which is major odd. maybe i'm not miss clio, ben, after all.....watch your back then...

after school, after shakespeare, walking home in the 'dusk'. heard, first, a dog start barking. not a yap, one of those liek movie quality doberman bark. and then, while it was stil barking away, i heard a kid crying. now, this was like baby crying {which i would fucking recognize thank you veddy much} and not just crying, wailing. like ow my ears. ahem! anywho, makes you wonder which stopped first...i'll let you guess...


thats today's crap. maybe i'll add more stuff later. but for now...sleep tight...

Posted at 12:29 am by Admiral Dyde T. Cranberry...that is to say, Grace
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Sunday, October 26
NeW AgE MuSiC


new age music..or whatever you want to call it..is amusing. in a good way.

actually no, i'm changing topics, that one sucks.

lets talk about....


pot! yeah

okay, first off, let me reiterate the point stated in my manifesto: {which is located at: PHILOSOPHY page of my profile. drugs dont kill people, stupidity while ON drugs kills people.

now, i'd like to say that while i'm not a complete pothead, drug addict or any of that like erin {i respect some of you erin, not all} i do the occasional bit of fun.

now, pot was the topic. back on task here. pot is a plant, as you know. if you want to know more, do your own research dammit.

so far this is a pretty damn dissappointing blog. grrr

ah-to make it interesting. list of stoners and my opinions on them
Paul-hey talk about awesome person.
Josh-wait no no he's not a stoner he's one of those pussies.
Erin-youre just a little TOO addicted. but still, you're my best friend, i guess
Erin D-youre kewl, not too addicted, just a major stoner, which is why i want you to move back.
Brian-smoked himself stupid.
Charles-never really got the point
Nick-snobby bitch.
Robert-kewler than nick!
Jan-smartass kewl guy
Mike-benefits! um yeah pretty neat
Aaron-fine bitch! youre kewl too, even though you are QUOT clean QUOT. ahem. four days my ass. ahem!
Joey-dont know much about him, but he seems pretty cool. kewl. whatever. need nutmeg! or coffee. yeah

too lazy to keep listing!

but you see my point? stoning/stoners {the verb, to stone, i am stoned, you are stoned, hesheit is stoned.}


righto, go get wasted kiddies!



Saturday, October 25
FoX

have you ever thought about how interesting it must be to be a fox?

its like a study in not getting caught.

i mean, the first perk is like duh, you have all that awesome fur. you dont get cold. its orange. its furry and fluffy and fun to pet. next, what about those eyes. people dont say fox eyes for nothing. and the cute ears!

but yeah i mean you get to stay in a hole, a den, that you make your own, and wait for a rabbit. then you run out and catch it between your teeth. imagine the sensation of having you meal squelch between your jaws. hear its neck snap. feel the trickle of blood. ahh it would be incredible.

and then there'd be this puma. oh shit! and you'd run back into your little hole, but the puma's in the way, you cant get there. so you turn and you run. gallop 'cross the land, jump over that dead tree, feel your back paw scrape its trunk, and fall. you pick yourself up and glance back, to see a snarling feline face, causing you to take off again. your legs pound the ground, scattering leaves every which way. an orange oak leaf flies up and momentarily blocks your eyes. you shake your head vigorously and it flies off again. the rabbit is still in your teeth, but now youre thinking about tossing it aside to lose the weight. your mouth is dry, and you're tired, but the puma's still chasing, always chasing. you see a little creek up ahead, and you push foreward, diving in. the water is cold, almost freezing, and you pant and gasp for air. in doing so, you drop the rabbit in the water, but theres no time to find it. you swim forward, because it was deeper than you thought. you cant touch bottom, but the puma can. its head and some of its shoulders stick out on top. you find that all those swimming lessons dont help, and dog paddle furiously.

the puma stalks toward you, and you turn around, to see its glistening green eyes boring into you, its pearly white teeth fairly calling your name. you paddle faster, but fail to see the rock. you hit your head, hard. everything goes black just as you see its jaws widen to take in your head....

«déja vu»

Posted at 03:45 pm by Admiral Dyde T. Cranberry...that is to say, Grace
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NeW SHoEs

i got new shoes!

yeah i know you dont care. fuck you. i care. well, no i dont either. but i like getting new stuff.

one thing i dont understand liking, is shoe shopping. you know how in all those magazines, cosmo, seventeen, and such, they say that the best cure for depression is shoe shopping? dont deny it, its in all of them someplace or another. anyway, i dont get it.

shoe shopping is, actually, quite annoying. i mean, you walk into a given store. for some, payless, the adidas outlet, for me, journeys, but anyway, and then you walk through aisles upon walls of shoes. first, you see a pair that you might like. but theyre not your size. then you see another pair, but on second thought, you'd never wear them, you just like the way they look in the box. then you find the perfect pair. you try them on. ick they hurt your feet! damn! you finally, hours later, find the perfect pair for real. what the hell?

by then you're tired, in desperate need of a pretzel, and to the point at which the guy getting the the different sizes of a given shoe from the back room is starting to look remotely attractive. {but isnt nearly as totally awesome as paul is}. anywho, why bother

i just did, and my shoes are much awesome, but there was really no point in taking all that time. while i was at the mall i did look at several other things. the element sweatshirt was only a consideration because it was cranberry colored; the shirt that said macbeth was brown; had i gone into hot topic i would have bought a lot of stuff and my mom would have been pissed. then we had to look for a toy for hudson. honestly. i ask you. he has no idea whether he is being neglected a gift or not. theyre propagating spoiled behavior, and they yell at me when i express this exasperation. what the fuck is going on with THAT!

oh well. before i go all 'not jealous but insidiously envious' on you, lets stop.

Posted at 02:22 pm by Admiral Dyde T. Cranberry...that is to say, Grace
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Wednesday, October 22
iN-SeLf-SuFfiCiEncY

todays' rant is:
why the world should INTENSELY worship me.
no, not really. but that will eventually be one,i guarantee it.

right, today's for real is um in-self-sufficiency.

is that a word? hmm well, what i meant was people who arent self sufficient. yeah.

basically, i find it summarily depressing if you could not run away from home right now. right now.

i could

right now. i could pack a suitcase, or backpack, whatever, and be out of here by umm oh say 520. see, its like this. if you're dependant on your rents, i hope you plan on living just like they are.
my theory is that if by age 13 if you couldnt be on your own, not nessecarily emotionally, i know america has a lot of fucking saps, but darwin-ly speaking, then you probably will grow old and be just like your rents.

now, personally, i dislike my rents extreme much. EXTREME. and i would SO not want to be like them. for example:

i will be lenient with my kids. esp when they grow to be teenagers. now, if my rents were like, hey do whatever, but dont do anything stupid, i would a) respect them. b) probably not be such an asshole. c) continue doing what i do now behind their backs. but i would d) respect them. i know i already said it, but i would seriously like them a lot better if they used sense once in a while. i swear. okay, example: i found this common sense iq test and i made us all take it. i got a 180, pa got a 190 {crazy henry boys, long story, remind me later} and mom got a fucking 100. how stupid?! very! now another example of how i'll never be like them? i wont make my kids slave over the pledge and dust bins! no cleaning until it become a health issue. if, perchance, said poor children inhereit the mom and pa genes for neatnickness, i will either a) kill them as they sleep or b) let them clean THEIR ROOMS ONLY. which is how it should be now. i shouldnt have to clean mine, i mean:

GENIUSES THRIVE OFF CLUTTER.

and

ORGANIZED PEOPLE ARE JUST TOO LAZY TO LOOK FOR THINGS.

such wonderful mottos. and i think they should apply whole here.

well, i guess this is dragging a bit. so lets just say if you cant live on your own now, start learning or else you'll be forever doomed. {doom on you. doom on you. doom on you....get the melon!} {go! tai-kwon do dos!} {hahahahaha}

{manaical laughter continues.}




{reader runs in fear. run, dammit, run!}

Posted at 01:48 pm by Admiral Dyde T. Cranberry...that is to say, Grace
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Tuesday, October 21
SuiCiDe...WhY aM i StiLl HeRe?

dunno why, but here i am

look, all i have to say, really, is that i feel like totally killing myself.

i so wish i didnt have friends out there

if it wasnt for like um Paul, Wells, Kyle, um and i dont think i missed anyone, i would so be on top of some tall building RIGHT NOW

no fucking jokes man, i would totally kill myself. no accidents or living through it.

plus, i'd leave a note. no one would get the blame. except maybe the rents. they so earned that.

my mom, bitch that she always is, said the other day 'if you commit suicide i'll never forgive you. when i get to heaven i wont even talk to you.' yeah bitch you wish. as if. if you were any less FUCKING STUPID you'd know there is no such thing, and even if there was, you sure as hell wouldnt go there.

right, so anywho.

i guess...i guess thanx you guys for making me stay.

maybe.

i'm still deciding whether i regret staying or not.

time to drown myself in substances.


have a nice life...hopefully without me. dunno why i'm writing again, but here i am

look, all i have to say, really, is that i feel like totally killing myself.

i so wish i didnt have friends out there

if it wasnt for like um Paul, Wells, Kyle, um and i dont think i missed anyone, i would so be on top of some tall building RIGHT NOW

no fucking jokes man, i would totally kill myself. no accidents or living through it.

plus, i'd leave a note. no one would get the blame. except maybe the rents. they so earned that.

my mom, bitch that she always is, said the other day 'if you commit suicide i'll never forgive you. when i get to heaven i wont even talk to you.' yeah bitch you wish. as if. if you were any less FUCKING STUPID you'd know there is no such thing, and even if there was, you sure as hell wouldnt go there.

right, so anywho.

i guess...i guess thanx you guys for making me stay.

maybe.

i'm still deciding whether i regret staying or not.

time to drown myself in substances.


have a nice life...hopefully without me.


 

Posted at 12:47 pm by Admiral Dyde T. Cranberry...that is to say, Grace
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Monday, October 20
FuCkiNg ReNts...

man life is interesting. not.
i have no life!
except for the part where i do.
hmm
see, i have no life because a) i have some kind of commitment every night {agh it sux} except thursdays. {excluding weekends}. b) my rents are fucking assholes. dont ask. but i need an assassin, please apply within. {needed labor: kill one (1) caucasian male, appx 49 yrs, one (1) caucasian female, appx 45 yrs, one (1) caucasian child, appx 7 mnths. please please please!} anywho...c) i dont have time dammit!
i just felt like complaining. oh, the other half?
i kindah have a life i guess, in social terms, i mean, i have friends, {ha~ loose term right there folks if i ever heard one. ~ah} anywho, i love you Paul, you are so the best ever. its great having a life, but it sux not being able to live it.

i think thats it, but if it isnt, check tomorow.

Posted at 11:20 am by Admiral Dyde T. Cranberry...that is to say, Grace
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